the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
