How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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