i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize