so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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