I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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