doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
