You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
