she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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