Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
