we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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