Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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