sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
