I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I could make wine with my vomit
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
