just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
