Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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