Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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