she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
