just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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