I looked at my own cervix.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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