after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
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Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
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