dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My dick has a subreddit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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