I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize