We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
