You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
