hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
