Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
