He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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