Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize