I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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