we're blogging at a bar
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
