if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
