i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
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Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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