Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
