epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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