just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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