On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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