my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
