Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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