My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
