return my video game
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
