"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
