He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
