Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
