its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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