I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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