Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
