I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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