I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
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Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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