Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
