I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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