you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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