I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
