So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
