i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
