I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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