bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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