Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
