Say something about gay babies.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
