Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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