new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize