College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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