oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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