We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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