dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
