they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
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After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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