I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
