I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
