is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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