just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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