my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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