I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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