I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
