I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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