Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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