the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize