Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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