Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
